Bottled up

I feel bottled up in so many way.  I don't know if it is the extra crummy weather as of late or many things piled on top of each other that have brought me to my breaking, but either way I feel I am ready to break. 
Other than with my family, I don't talk a lot about things that are hard for me or what I am struggling with.  I admit that I don't trust easily so I am a bit reserved in my relationships with others and have a hard time letting them in.  This was intensified last fall when I has having a particularly hard time and I expressed it to a friend but did not receive the support I needed.  I was told that I needed to find a friend who had time to support me.  This crushed me and I admit...still hurts. 
As a result I fear opening up to others.  I fear being vulnerable and needy.  I fear someone who I trust, telling me that they don't have time for me in their life.  So lately I have been keeping a lot of things bottled up.  I am trying to learn to deal with things on my own.  But it is so hard.  Anthony, I love that man!  He works so hard for our family, I know he is doing his very best, but is gone so much.  I get so incredibly lonely.  And when I get lonely I get depressed.  All I want to do is sleep, watch t.v and eat junk food.  I am a terrible mom and I yell at my girls and get so frustrated over everything.  My poor husband doesn't know what to do with me anymore.
I need to find an outlet.  I need to find a way to get all of the negativity out.  I need to find someone to be my friend.  Someone I can trust.  Someone I can call and just be with.  But most of all I just need to learn to be okay with my life.  To be grateful.  To love and be loved.  To be happy.